the highly sensitive person
You’ve always been sensitive to the world around you.
You feel and think deeply.
But your sensitivity often leaves you feeling overwhelmed and misunderstood. You know intellectually that you are bright, kind, and have a lot to offer. But inside you sometimes feel less-than, like there’s something ‘wrong’ with you.
To cope with feeling different, you’ve learned to stifle your emotions and put on a mask to show the world what they wanted to see. Hiding has helped you fit in. But it also cut you off from your creativity - your vibrancy - and perpetuated the belief that you’re not okay as you are.
If any of this rings true, there’s a good chance you’re a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and you’re in good company - an estimated 20% of the population identity as HSPs. This is not a disorder or a ‘problem’, it is a temperament trait - and a very precious gift.
As a therapist, I help HSPs let go of society’s ‘shoulds’, and design a life that allows their sensitivity to become their greatest strength. Read on to find out more about the HSP experience, and how therapy can help you.
Working with an HSP therapist can help you:
Learn more about the trait and revisit your life experience through this new lens.
Build greater insight into yourself, and learn to harness your sensitivity.
Develop self-compassion for behaviors you might have previously blamed yourself for.
Learn how to reconnect with your emotions and begin to trust yourself again.
Learn how to ground and calm yourself through life’s inevitable ups and downs.
Identify your negative self-beliefs and build back your sense of self-worth.
Create healthier emotional boundaries - Learn what’s “yours” to hold, and what isn’t.
Learn how to balance honoring your needs with challenging yourself.
Overcome relationships challenges so that you can enjoy more love and intimacy.
Feel met in your depth and sensitivity. Feel encouraged in your creativity.
FAQ
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It is a trait (not a disorder) estimated to be present in 20% of the population. People with the trait experience sensations and emotions more intensely than those who do not have the trait due to a more sensitive nervous system. Psychologist and pioneering HSP researcher, Elaine Aron, uses the DOES model to describe the 4 basic HSP characteristics:
Depth of processing
Overstimulation
Emotional responsiveness and empathy
Sensitivity to subtleties
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It’s not! Being a Highly Sensitive Person can lead to an array of gifts and strengths. HSPs tend to be highly intuitive, curious, empathetic, good friends, creative, and drawn to the arts. They care and love deeply. They also tend to be hard workers, high on integrity, conscientious, bright, careful, thoughtful, and attuned to detail. They take longer to make decisions but usually make the right ones for themselves!
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The evolutionary theory suggests that high sensitivity is a strategy for species survival. The trait is present in many species including deer and fruit flies!
In fact, the HS trait offers a survival advantage in some situations - being more responsive to the natural and social world, HSPs are able to pick up on significant subtleties in the environment that could be important for maintaining safety. In other species, the HS animals were the ones who didn’t fall into a trap, whereas the non HS animals did!
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HSPs can get overwhelmed by all they take in from the world around them, which can show up as anxiety, depression, irritability and anger.
HSPs can have difficulty regulating their emotions, or feel emotionally disconnected because they taught themselves along the way to “turn off” emotions when they were too much.
Their emotional boundaries can get confused because of their attunement with how others are feeling. They tend to put their own needs last and “hold” emotions for others, which can contribute to feeling overwhelmed.
They learn early on that they are different, in both concrete ways (a parent, teacher, or friend saying they’re “too sensitive,” “timid,” or “shy”) and subtle ways (reacting to things that others don’t seem to notice). In some environments their differences can become an asset and even celebrated, but in others, they can be mislabelled and misunderstood, or begin to believe that something is wrong with them.
This in turn can led to them doubting themselves and judging their emotions. The low self-worth that can develop contributes to HSPs tendency to be highly self critical, and often perfectionistic.
They can be easily hurt in relationships, and can also easily become irritated with their partners. They can fear “losing themselves” in a relationship, and at other times, feel lonely even when with someone.
Not honoring their needs as an HSP can lead to exhaustion, or physical symptoms such as migraines or GI issues; on the other hand they can “over-adapt” and become too avoidant of situations.
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It is estimated that 50% of HSPs make up therapy clients, not only because they tend to experience higher levels of stress, but also because their sensitivity means they're more responsive to therapeutic work. Also, their natural desire to seek answers and engage in deeper conversations means the therapeutic process can be particularly fulfilling for them.
Working with an HSP knowledgeable therapist can help you let go of the negative misconceptions around sensitivity, and make peace with situations and relationships that you may have blamed yourself for. It can also help you develop healthier boundaries and self-care practices, so that you can truly thrive as an HSP.
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There is no biological test you can take to see if you have the trait.
The best indicator out there is Elaine Aron’s self-test. https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/
There’s also one you can take to see if your child is an HSP. http://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/